It’s The Law!
How many of you are living a life that is quiet on the outside, loud on the inside? It can be a good life unless you are holding your breath just so someone else can breathe. I have always wanted to live in the space between a rainbow and a cloud. Somewhere soft and sweet. Somewhere far away from the harsh, merciless gravity that holds us down and keeps us from flying. Since that won’t be happening it is time to change. Transition.
Transitions are cold, Jack. They are tough because you don’t transition to become better, you transition to be who you have always been but were too afraid to own. You are more comfortable renting. You run from this ownership as if it were a mansion in The Hills with a high mortgage and outrageous property taxes. It’s a beauty but you are certain you will never be able to keep it. It must be for someone else. Someone far more clever and talented than you are. Someone from a good family with a proud name that has deep roots in joy and happiness. A Mellon. A Rockefeller. The nice couple with the pretty kids down the street.
Coming from a crazy family can throw you off your best game for an entire lifetime if you allow it. I come from generational dysfunction so extreme it makes The Hunger Games look like a Doris Day movie. It pains me something awful to embrace this. But…
It’s the truth.
It’s the kind of truth you know for sure but don’t want to admit to it.
A truth that aches like when you know someone doesn’t love you anymore.
I know the truth. I have known it for awhile.
Like all truth it was not discovered in the light of day. It was found in the darkness.
There is no evidence of the night I found the truth. No words. No music. No notary stamp. No witnesses. Just a lonesome knowing. Like a petal picked daisy where the last pulled petal was; “He loves me not.” The rest of the petals were already dancing in the wind with all my hopes and dreams in flight. He loves me not the undeniable truth. Fresh and picked clean as a daisy.
To fully hold this truth. I had to drive along rain soaked empty highways with road signs that were unrecognizable. Rugged one lane paths where street lights become starlight and the fog is as thick as a blues singer’s throaty rasp for five years. It’s hard to find your North Star when there is no Ocean to tell you which way is West. I felt lost and abandoned. Can you relate? The sun rises, love burns, and an angel sits on everyone’s shoulder but your own. Victimish, I know. Hey, that’s how it felt. This is some deep seated stuff.
Do you want to be free of the pain that keeps you from living? Do you want to keep an open heart that isn’t always breaking? Is your level of self-compassion so low you don’t even want to dream anymore? Enough?
Look, nothing out there will ever fill the emptiness in here. If you were abused or not loved properly as a child you are going to be thirstier than the rest. It’s just what is. Quench your thirst with joy!
Whatever shame you carry around about “where you come from” release it. Put the issue in a helium balloon and let go of the string. Face the truth and begin your transition. Families are overrated and they should never have a say in who you really are or how happy you can be.
As for myself, since I found out the truth, I have made new rules. I have sworn allegiance to a thrilling, reckless, belief system.
Every morning I wake up and look my pale puffy face in the mirror and say; “Alex, you have to amuse and entertain me today… it’s the law!”
It’s what I am here for.
Ain’t no stoppin’ me now.
Sending… Love, Light and Oceans of Bliss for the Highest Good of All.
And so it is!