I Want A Sunday Kind Of Rant
***As promised a new Friday’s Child not published on a Friday. Enjoy!
Parenting requires intelligence not DNA. A child that is indulged and given everything they demand will never know what it means to be grateful. Gratitude comes not from nurtured weakness but from the strength of discipline.
You cannot give what you have never received. Why any damn fool on earth can have a child or worse three, four, five, six or more is beyond me. As far as I’m concerned there should be two to a customer and three is a major bonus gift.
I realize that doing as we please in this regard has been the rule from the beginning of time. But it has not always been the 21st century. We know so much more now as a species. We need people on this earth that are worthy of using its diminished resources. On the job training should no longer suffice.
You need to pass a test to anything worth doing. Why not parenting? It doesn’t seem right that a poor innocent being fresh from heaven should have the misfortune of being raised by incognizant twits. The test for parenting should be at least as difficult as passing a Bar Exam. At least!
I realize my point of view is unheard of and once it is heard of I can assure you it will be unpopular. May I just say this about that. I could not care less what anyone thinks of my beliefs. There is a very good reason why I hold this bold and brassy, cavalier view. I had a Mother who took the responsibility of parenting seriously. She was a major influence in my life. She wasn’t a perfect parent or a perfect person but she made certain I knew right from wrong. I had a Father that knew he didn’t know jack about raising kids so he left the teaching moments to my Mother and did what he could do. He provided for his family. This is not an ideal alliance but it was not an untypical alliance if you are a part of the Boomer generation.
As a generation we are the last to have any upbringing at all. The last to know what it means to feel guilty for doing wrong. Harming a defenseless animal or another child had serious consequences. We were not encouraged to be disrespectful to our elders in the name of our rights. We were kids until we were no longer kids and that meant we minded our parents until we left home and paid our own rent. We were not given everything we wanted. Not because our parents couldn’t afford our whims. They just knew that this sort of thing enabled a child to become an ungrateful, irresponsible wretch of an adult. So, they said no. No. A word that no longer appears to exist in the parenting lexicon these days. We Boomers were raised this way. Why have we ( and every generation since ours ) been unable to pass this wisdom along? I will tell you why.
We and every generation since have been far too concerned with being loved than being loving. We don’t seem to understand the difference and we passed this confusion along to the generations that came after us. I don’t know how this happened and I don’t give a care why. I can only guaran-damn-tee ya it happened.
How do we fix it?
As with most things we should go back to our parents example. Our parents didn’t expect us to be their friends. They had friends. Those were the people they did grown-up things with and we were not privy to those relationships. Our parents did not expect us to fill a never ending well of existential neediness. They offered us the love they had. We were expected to give them respect in return. They made certain we knew how to be respectful. They did not expect us to magically know how to behave. They taught us how to behave. Slow learners were not tolerated. You stepped up because there were clear consequences for being disrespectful, lazy, mean, hateful, and having a bad attitude in general.
What do kids have now in exchange for these very same qualities and actions? They have what is commonly known as unconditional love.
Here’s the thing.
LOVE is not unconditional. Love is always conditional and it is up to you to provide the conditions as a parent. As a woman. As a man. As a lover. As a friend. As a member of a family. You do the loving thing and take the responsibility of providing the freeking conditions.
If you do not know what those conditions are or how to express these conditions to others. You have no business calling yourself a parent. And this my dear readers, the lack of conditions, is the reason for every failed relationship in life. Including the failure to school those brats we call children and grandchildren.
Sending Love, Light and Oceans of Bliss for the Highest Good of All.
And so it is!